Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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