Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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