sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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