which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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