So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
