Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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