mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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