I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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