Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
