Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
