you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
