atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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