I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
