Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
