my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
