Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
