I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
