you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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