We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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