Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Less talking, more tequila
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
