Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
