I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
