One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why do cheetos always look like penises
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
