Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
