Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
