i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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