thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
