How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
