mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
