He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
