about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
