The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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