hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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