At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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