he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
