I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
