Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
