Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
3pm strippers are depressing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
