Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
