when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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