apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
