Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
