her vagine was all disorganized.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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