Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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