then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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