Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
