ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
