never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
