watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
