I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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